I have to admit that being in a relationship is not about trying to find the person who will not hurt you and will love you the most. It’s about accepting that whoever you get with, they will hurt you.
What pain are you willing to tolerate? Maybe some can stomach their partner being unfaithful or being unable to express how they feel or that they are bad with money or that they have a dependency on their family or that they are workaholics.
There is something that you won’t like that you are going to have to accept because someone will have to do the same exact thing for you if they are aiming to be with you. They say that love is not for everyone; it’s an exclusive club where only those who can endure the thorns of the rose get a pass.
For the sake of clarity, I am not condoning abuse. What I am suggesting is that if two people want a long-lasting relationship, they need to know what pain they are able to tolerate because it is bound to happen.
We marvel when two people who have so much in common, find one another and fall in love. Perhaps what is even more incredible is that each person’s demons can hurt the other without causing an inexorable rift between the lovers.
That seems like the greatest miracle of all, especially to someone like me who thought the whole point was to minimize pain at all costs.
For love to survive, partners have to make a decision to stay together. But at least it isn’t a blind decision. Now you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into.
It’s easy to see the great traits in your partner because that is the bias people always approach relationships with. But now that I see the virtue in seeing how they can hurt me, when I date again, there is nothing to fear.
Now go be love, the world needs you.