As Dale Carnegie put it, “criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. It is life threatening, because it wounds & tarnishes a person’s precious pride, hurts his/her sense of importance, and arouses resentment.” So, how can we turn it upside down to ensure it reaches home without tearing the intended person apart?
Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that eliminates arguments, create good will and make the other person listen attentively? The truth of the matter is that we all do but in this case, there is no magic phrase! Just remember that even though other people may be totally wrong, they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. The award winning writer of ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ reiterates that a fool can do that and am sure you’re no fool. Try to understand them. He concludes that only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that. You exactly posses such qualities, don’t you? Give it a try today.
There is a reason why the other person thinks and acts like he does. Seek out that reason, and you have the key to his actions or his personality. Just try to put yourself in his/her shoes. I know its quite easier said than done but just close your eyes, breathe in and out, open them and agree that you understand. If you ask yourself how you would feel and react if you were them and in their situation, you will save yourself time and irritation. By becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect. And, in addition, you will expertly increase your sill in human relations.
In his book ‘Getting Through to People’, Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg said: “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas.”
Dean Donham of the Harvard business school said that. ” I would rather walk the sidewalk in font of a person’s office for two hours before the interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person – from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives- was likely to answer.”
If you only get one thing_ an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other’s point of view, and see things from his/her angle as well as your own_ it may prove to be the turning point in your career.